I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
