Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
