Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
