I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
