i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
