Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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