Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
