how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
