you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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