So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
