i permit you to call me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
