Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
