im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
