If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
