I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
COCAINE IS GR8
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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