Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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