Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I want her autograph on my taint
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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