Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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