i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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