i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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