I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
