She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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