just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
