I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
