The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
