he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I didn't notice because vodka
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
