It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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