I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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