Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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