Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
