so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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