its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
