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I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
