Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
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Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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