no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
