One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
