Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
