True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
