I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
