Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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