No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We were destined to go to rehab together
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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