I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
