True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
