U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
