Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates