I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
