maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary