Your face is a jimmy john
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
