So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
