me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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