I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
