I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
