if i died would you start the facebook group?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
