he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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