Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
