hell yes lets make some ravioli
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
