Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The power of my boobs compel you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
