You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
