you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
