Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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