Cold hands, warm shart.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
