I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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