; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
