The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
