she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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