the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
