Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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