Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
