in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
