Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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