There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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