there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
